First Departure – Day One

She won’t be there to pick me up at the airport.
I promised to write her a letter, and I will.
I didn’t make the bed for her when I left.
I hope she is alright. That she has support for her now.
I want to cry. To let the pain out. But I can’t.

Day one has been a weird mix of conflicted feelings. Both about our relationship and about moving in general. It is weird to think that I have left that home, that life, my girl all behind. It still feels like it always does when I leave. That I will be back soon once work is done. I am not sure why but it hit me the most right when the plane started moving away from the gate. That this is more or less forever. A one way ticket.

I hate seeing her in pain. This was the most pain I have ever in my life caused another human being. I have lived my entire life up to this point trying to serve others, to ease their pain even if it increases mine. This has all been against my very being. I think that is what is most confusing right now, that I am acting opposite my life purpose.

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